Being attractive isn’t about having a pretty face. It also doesn’t necessarily entail getting your hair done, a manicure or following the latest diet trend – all of which women are routinely pressurised to do in today’s society.

Whilst there’s absolutely nothing wrong with looking after your body image, and staying healthy, these aren’t the only things which define how attractive you are to other people (or hey, maybe even just yourself).

Rather, beauty is about cultivating traits and qualities which enhance our already natural beauty, and make our personality and individual strengths shine.

With the help of Relationships Expert and Psychotherapist, Esther Perel, we’ve put together some of the most highly sought after traits in a woman.

So whether you’re looking to deepen your romantic relationship or just understand yourself better, keep reading.


One of the biggest turn-ons is confidence, no doubt about it.

It’s this kind of inner radiance you emit when you know deep down, you’re the fire (even if you think you have no idea what you’re doing).

And whilst there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, it doesn’t mean you have to down play your skills.

‘When you are critical of yourself, you’re effectively saying to others, ‘’don’t like me’’, says Perel.

True confidence is the ability to acknowledge your fears, take (calculated) risks, prioritise self-care and accept that you are worth it.

Confident women seek challenges, don’t settle for less than they deserve and seek support rather than comparison.

Action Item: Make a list of all your strengths and skills. Create a ‘me map’, and list everything that makes you, you.

Whether it’s your wacky sense of humor, your Cluedo mastery, or a practical skill, jot down anything that makes you a powerful attractor. You might just be surprised what you discover.


Ever struck up a conversation with someone who’s passionate about they do?

You’ll know when it happens – they come alive when talking.

The twinkle in their eyes, the animated hand gestures, the faster pace of speech.

It all screams, ‘hey, I feel so alive and I absolutely love this thing’.

That right there is one of the most beautiful things to witness, and is highly attractive to other people (even on a platonic, friendship level).

Action Item: Spend some time really getting to know what makes you excited. Your passions don’t have to be wordly or grandiose, nor do they have to be traditional.

They can be as simple as discovering new books at the local bookstore, trying out that new Herbology class you’ve always fancied, or learning new melodies on your favourite instrument.

If nothing really gets you excited, experiment. You don’t have to stick with something if you don’t like it.

You’ll never know what could become a passion if you don’t try it.

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This might sound like the opposite of being confident, but the truth is, humility and confidence go hand in hand when it comes to attractiveness.

Humility is the ability to be humble and modest, and is marked by having an open heart and mind.

As C.S Lewis wrote, ‘‘Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less’’.

Cultivating a sense of humility enables you to open your heart to others and foster genuine, caring relationships, a highly attractive quality.

Humility also helps you to take things less seriously and recognise that mistakes aren’t a sign of your personal worth, which is a great form of self care when things go south.


‘’Being comfortable in your own skin doesn’t mean inching ever closer to Barbie like proportions’’, says Perel.

The thing is, you don’t truly need to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, it’s a natural innate instinct to love yourself, but with years and years of advertising full of air brushed, and editorially altered images shoved down our throats, it’s no surprise we have a hard time feeling appreciation for our bodies.

If you’re hooked on Instagram, unfollow accounts that make you feel like you’ve got to be something other than you are. That’s no good for your mental health.

Better yet, follow accounts that actually show the real nature of ‘being human’. Cellulite, dimples, acne, it’s all normal.

Action Item: Perel suggests to start dancing (yes in your PJs in the living room when no-one’s looking) to get used to ‘thriving’ in your own skin.

Bonus: dancing releases serotonin, the body’s natural feel good hormone.

Try to limit your exposure to media adverts and tell your mind that this is not a real picture of the model; it’s edited beyond belief. You’ll start to feel better about your image.

Reprogram your mind with self-love affirmations. You can listen to these on Youtube.

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When it comes to being more attractive, your outlook and general perspective on life can play a huge role.

In our hectic and busy world, stopping to slow down and notice the beauty of the world around us is a habit all of us should adopt more frequently.

Whilst others might not necessarily notice you doing this, it’s a quick and easy habit you can adopt to start feeling happier and more joyful at any given moment, which could lead to an inner radiance no-one can tear down.

Action Item: Walking the dog? Out and About? Take 5-10 minutes out of your day to appreciate the world around you.

Make it a priority to notice the things you would otherwise miss in your busy day.


We aren’t just talking about books here either, although books are a great way to grow and learn new skills.

Personal growth is more than just hoarding more and more knowledge, it’s about applying these newly acquired skills and taking new risks to grow as a person.

Your comfort zone grows when you decide to take a leap of faith, not the other way around.

Your comfort zone grows with you, but you have to be the one to trust and take action.

Action Items: Want to take your personal growth to the next level?

We recommend checking out this book by Joe Dispenza, ‘Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon’ or ‘Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts‘ by Jennie Allen, both bestsellers.

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Kindness can brighten up anyone’s day, but it’s becoming more and more rare to experience this kind of kindness on a daily basis.

No-one likes being with someone who’s only kind to get what they want, or honest only when it benefits them.

Action Item: Whilst kindness and honesty isn’t something you can necessarily ‘train’ into yourself, you can start to do more small acts of kindness like providing a homeless person with their next meal, or helping your friend through their tough break-up.


Studies conducted in Scandinavian universities show that smiling more increases a women’s attractiveness.

A natural smile conveys messages like optimism and stability, which are highly desirable qualities.

Plus, smiling releases endorphins, natural neurotransmitters which make us feel happier and less stressed.

Action Item: So whether you’re dating or just looking to increase your overall happiness, smile more!

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